Saturday, December 10, 2011

Celebrating is hard

A reason to celebrate.. even though...  A few weeks back we got the wonderful news that I was expecting! We could not have been more happy!  It seemed an answer to many long years of prayer (4 to be exact).  I had my initial appointments and my due date was set for July 13th.  I was even reveling in the few days that I felt sick to my stomach!  Two days before Thanksgiving I began to miscarry, most likely culminating on Thanksgiving.  I was given the obvious news of the miscarriage the following Monday.

It seems to me that even those few weeks our baby was living within me are to be celebrated.  No, I don't know if it was a boy or girl, I don't know if its' heart had begun to beat, and I will never (this side of Heaven) know what caused the miscarriage.  What I do know is that Caleb has a brother or sister, and William and I have another son or daughter.  I look forward to the day that we can meet our second child in the Lord's presence.  Each and every life is precious, and I praise God for the few moments of this babies life.

All my love!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Some conclusions

Another blog with no pictures! Sorry!  I have come to a few medical conclusions and I wanted to share. Everyone who is reading might never struggle with these things, but statistically you do know someone else who does!  So here we go...

1- When my grandma was pregnant with my mother she was given a drug called DES.  At the time the medical community thought that it decreased miscarriages and pre-term labor.  By the 1970s DES had been banned for use during pregnancy because it had adverse side-effects.  There have been quite a few studies done on the "Daughters of DES" (those who were exposed to it in-utero), and their risk of certain cancers is nearly doubled and they have an incredible rate of fertility problems.  Other than having babies a few weeks early, my mom has not seen any effects of DES.  Just recently the medical community has started to research the "Granddaughters of DES".  That would be my sister and I.  They have not come to any solid conclusions, but it is suspected that many of the same fertility problems are passed on.  Now I will probably never know, but it sure does explain a LOT of the issues my sister and I have!

2- OB/GYNs are not trained to treat anxiety/depression and Psychologists/psychiatrists are not trained to treat Poly cystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS).  Your thinking "DUH!", but this has made a HUGE difference in my life.  Nearly 35% of women who suffer from PCOS also develop some sort of anxiety/panic/depression problems.  This is a huge number!  It makes perfect sense really.  We have all heard of post-partum depression and physicians are trained to look for it.  A woman with PCOS experiences the same amount of hormonal imbalances that a post-partum woman experiences.  The difference is that she experiences it over and over again every cycle!  The range of hormones affects the way the neurotransmitters in her brain create serotonin.  When these are out of wack her body begins reacting with anxiety and panic (This is all according to the Mayo Clinic, so it is pretty reputable info).  Now, back to my main point.  OB/GYNs are not trained to look for depression, and have no tools to treat it.  The docs I have seen have often pushed me to just wait a few more months to see if the PCOS resolves itself, or prescribed high-powered birth control  (Birth control pills and I do not get along!).  Docs in the mental health field treat anxiety and depression with high powered anti-depressants.  If counseling is provided, they concentrate on thought patterns.  The problem is that the PCOS has caused the Anxiety/Depression!!!! But nobody connects the two!!!  Heal the PCOS and you will most likely heal the anxiety/depression.

3- In my case, my first signs of anxiety, a strange rapid heart beat, began 3 months into my PCOS symptoms.  I had no idea what it was and so I ignored it!  When I spoke with my OB/GYN about my PCOS symptoms she felt she needed to follow the military Doc rule that I had to be trying to conceive for 1 year before they would intervene.  What she missed was that I was a nervous wreck because my body felt out of control.  Fast forward to a few years later and I was then having full blown panic attacks and in the ER 11 times in one year!  The docs there were looking for all sorts of explanations for the panic attacks.  Even though I always informed them that I had PCOS, no one ever put two and two together.  Eventually my serotonin levels got so low that my panic attacks turned into depression symptoms.  Now I was a candidate for a mental health professional.  This whole time my PCOS got worst and worst.

4- Where am I today? I have come to understand a lot about myself and had to let go of a lot of unfounded expectations about myself.  I still have the same issue with Doctors being so specialized that they cannot treat me as a whole person, but I always try to keep the whole picture in mind.  I now treat the anxiety/depression with very low levels of meds, but I am also on a new drug for treating the PCOS.  It has not been pleasant, but it is necessary for my future health.

That's all.  Thanks for reading :)

Thursday, September 29, 2011

A Confession

Okay, so I am writing this post as an encouragement to myself, not as a plea for people to comment and try to make me feel better about myself.  If I put in writing and make it public, I am much more likely to follow through!
So, in the last 9 months I have gained 15 pounds.  If you have known me for awhile you know that keeping my weight down has never been much of a battle for me. I was blessed with a skinny frame and lots of activities as a child that kept me thin.  But, now I have a few things working against me and it is high time that I take action!

1- The medicine that I am on has a side-effect of making me gain weight easier.  I have been on it for awhile now, but since Jan. I have phased out an additional medicine that had the side-effect of making me lose weight.  Before, I never saw much of difference because the two meds counter-acted each other.  Now I can see that the main med does make me gain weight.  I have since decreased my dosage, but I am fairly certain that I will be on this med long-term.  So I need to make some changes.

2- I have Poly-Cystic Ovary Syndrome.  Docs do not fully understand this syndrome, but they are positive that it has a component that affects the way my body processes carbs.  Most women with PCOS are very overweight.  They are also at a very high risk of Type II diabetes because the body does not maintain the correct levels of insulin.  On top of this, I have a strong family history of Type II diabetes, so I need to be very careful.  As my PCOS has progressed, I can see where my blood-sugar levels have become more erratic, and the majority of my gained weight is in my tummy area (a typical PCOS pattern).  The point is that I should be on a very low carb diet.  I also cannot help but mention that when PCOS ladies lose weight, they tend to increase their fertility.  That would be fantastic!

3- I do not like exercise.  There, I said it! Everything that I did as a kid was fun, and did not feel like work!  They do not have these options for adults!  There is no fun cheerleading team to join as a 30 year old mom!  There is no sprint team to work out with (only you crazy long distance runners!).  I dread going to the gym because I am SO bored.  I have tried taking classes, but those still feel like exercise instead of fun.

SO... if you have actually read this far, thanks! I need to re-train myself to eat different (although I don't eat very many processed foods to begin with), and I need to somehow trick myself into thinking that going to the gym is fun. Ugh. I am praying for a few things... self-discipline (something I lack when it comes to food quantities and working out), that I would focus on getting healthy in the long-term and not the fact that none of my clothes fit, and that I would stop complaining and just deal with.

Okay, I am going to get changed and go to the gym.  Ask me at the end of October how I am doing.
Much love

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

A few more pics

 Here are a few more pics of the ordination.

All the family that came in town for the occasion.

Caleb and Ellie Grace playing on the kneelers.

Sweet Katy faith

Mr immediate family.  Sorry I do not have a close-up of Reese!

My dad's ordination

Okay, blogger has decided to upgrade to a new interface that actually works.  So even though I proclaimed that I was moving to wordpress, I am giving this one last shot over here!

This past weekend we headed down to Georgia for my dad's ordination.  Many of you that are reading are not familiar with the Episcopal church, so some of the pics might look a little odd.  I am very proud of my dad and all his hard work!
In front of the Bishop

During the Prayers of the People the priest-to-be lays down before the alter

Once they have proclaimed him ordained, us kids got the chance to put on his priestly robes.  This is my sister getting ready to put on the first part.

My brother and I are putting on the chasuble.

My mom and Dad
Celebrating communion with the bishop
The next morning my dad celebrated his first service as a priest.

Monday, August 29, 2011

New Blog

Good news, Friends!!! I have posted tons of new pics! Bad news? They are not on this blog! Head on over to our new user-friendly blog at:

Re-bookmark this new blog for all further updates!
Much Love,

Thursday, February 03, 2011

The Magic House

If you ever visit St. Louis there are a few places that you must go... if you have kids the Magic House is one of them! I remember going there when I was younger, but nowadays it is double the size. We had a blast this day!

Caleb as a construction worker
Caleb as a judge
Caleb as the President
Caleb as Jack from Jack and the beanstalk

More pictures

Some pics from Smoky Mountain National park near Gatlinburg. We got there right as the leaves began changing colors. I'm not sure we can call these mountains, but I will say that they are rather beautiful!

pics #4

Since our trip to Gatlinburg was in October everything was beautifully decorated for fall. I have never seen such large pumpkins in my life! It just added to the charm of this riverside town. Did I mention that my parents honeymooned in Gatlinburg 40 years ago?

Can u find Will in the picture above?

Caleb took this pic... not too bad for a 4 year old!!

Pics #3

In October we took a trip to Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg, TN. We had a great time exploring the two towns, playing plenty of puttputt, and riding the go-carts.

This was Caleb's first time driving a go-cart. They had a tiny circle track for the little guys. We took a video of it and I wish I could upload it here! Notice that Caleb is not looking where he is going! This is how he spent most of his time going around the track, causing him to run into the railing and some other go-carts a few times. Will and I were cheering him on, but having a hard time containing our laughter. Let's pray his driving skills improve before his 16th birthday!

more pics

For awhile we were always playing the game Monopoly Deal. Caleb wanted in on the action so we came up with a slightly less challenging format, and started playing it with him. He did such a good job learning all the rules, and even managed to win quite a few times. Here he is with a winning hand of three full sets.

We quickly signed caleb up for soccer lessons when we arrived. This one is before his first practice.
Here are a few from a game. You will notice that Caleb is smaller than most of the kids. The teams were composed of 4-6 year olds. Caleb had just turned 4.

Pics from August

Well, I am finally getting back to the blog! Here are some pics of the past 6 months!
Somehow they never get loaded in the correct order (I'm thinking it's user error), so I will explain as we go!

After Caleb's first day of Preschool here in Illinois, we treated him to a milkshake from Steak'n'Shake
The day after we moved into our new rental Caleb headed off to Preschool. Here are a few first day pics!

Toys are great, but they are not as fun as a giant cardboard box!! We had a lot of these after this move!
Here is Caleb's new bed and desk (over to the far right). They were given to us by some good friends we met in Guam that are now stationed here in Illinois. This is Caleb's room before it got painted blue and gray.