I thought this morning I would share one of the larger lessons that I am learning through this process. As I have said before, I believe that the Lord has allowed this time of affliction in my life for my good. I cannot point to a specific reason why, but I can say that He is working on things in my life that I did not even know were there, and I am so thankful. I have spent most of my time in the Word in the Psalms and Proverbs, and then in the devotional I introduced awhile back called Streams in the Desert.
One day all my readings seemed to line up with the theme of waiting. The devotional was speaking of how the Lord will often use times like this to make us wait on our calling because there are either lessons to be learned or it is not yet God’s timing. I immediately took this as a moment of Hope and thanked God that I might in fact be in a pattern of holding. BUT, I added to that prayer that if only God would let me know what it was I was holding for. A baby? Adopting a baby? Writing a book? I spoke with Will about it and how excited I would be if God would just let me know, and that I thought I would ask Him. I knew He most likely would not tell me, but I would ask anyway. Nothing too bad yet, right?
The next morning as I sat in prayer and read through God’s word and the devotional I found this paragraph:
“By faith Abraham, when He was called to go out into a place which he should after receive for an inheritance, obeyed.” (Hebrews 11:8)
Where he went, he knew not; it was enough for him to know that he went with God. He leant not so much on the promises as on the Promiser. He looked not on the difficulties of his lot, but on the King, eternal, immortal, invisible, the only wise God, who had deigned to appoint his course, and would certainly vindicate Himself. O glorious faith! This is thy work, these are thy possibilities; contentment to sail with sealed orders, because of an unwavering confidence in the wisdom of the Lord High Admiral; a willinghood to rise up, leave all and follow Christ, because of the glad assurance that earth’s best cannot bear comparison to Heaven’s least. –F.B.M.
Did you get that?? Contentment to sail with sealed orders? I can say that I am willing, if I have to, to sail with sealed orders … but contentment? Just the day before I had displayed that I was not content to do this! If you know me well, you know that I research each available possibility for the future. I go out of my way to know all information ahead of time. I have told myself for years that this is part of my personality. But is it really? As we awaited our next military assignment, I checked the assignment portal (or asked Will to) several times a day. I have looked at every possible rental house in the Belleville area, even though we do not move for months. I cannot tell you how many times I have said to Will, "If only God would just tell me if we will ever have more kids!" You see, I can trust that God has His best for me. That’s not my struggle. It is that I want to know ahead of time what that best is.
That brings us back to contentment…realizing that God has provided everything that I need for my present happiness. In 1 Timothy 6:6-8 “Godliness accompanied with contentment is great and abundant gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and obviously we can take nothing out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we shall be content and satisfied.”
So here is my lesson. Trusting God is more than knowing he has the best for me, it is resting in it enough to be content with where I am today. (anyone else seeing the connection here between discontentment, and anxiousness?) This is not easy for me. In fact it will take an act of the Holy Spirit to change my heart, to teach me to lean not on the promise, but on the Promiser. And in case you are wondering, at times God does reveal future plans to us, but it is in His timing and to His glory alone. Please pray with me as I learn to trust, and learn to be content day by day with the provisions of the Lord.
Much Love -T