Well, we have good news on the medical front! The cardiologist has said that my heart is completely healthy. All the palpitations and pain that I was experiencing was completely related to the Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This is fabulous news… especially since my chest pain has sent us to the ER 6 times in the past year. (Side note… if u want to get to the top of the triage in the ER say “Chest pain!”) I also saw my internal medicine Doc this morning. We adjusted some meds to try and work on this headache (we are going on 80 days of headache now) and also to try to get me off the anti-anxiety drug and solely on the anti-depressant. He did say that often people with GAD that has been undiagnosed for so long can tend to be resistant to the low level anxiety drugs. SO… there we have it. I will continue to see the Doc and take meds to level out my brain chemistry. Since I am literally wired incorrectly, I will most likely be on meds of some sort for life. On the Fertility front, I had my uterine Biopsy last week, and it will take up to three weeks to get results. From there we are probably looking at some form of hormonal birth control to help the Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, and this will also help the headaches. Obviously this will not be a long term cure since the point is to get pregnant! All in all I feel well cared for and I pray daily for the wisdom of my Doctors.
Now on to something else!
One of the very first verses that stuck in my head as the fog of depression and Percocet cleared was perhaps one of the simple truths of the faith. God’s faithfulness, mercy, and compassion to us does not change. It comes from Lamentations 3:22-23. I memorized it years ago in the NIV version, which will sound familiar to many of you:
“Because of the LORD’s great Love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
Now I want you to read it in the Amplified Version through verse 25.
“It is because of the Lord’s mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, because His tender compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithfulness. The Lord is my portion and share, says my living being, my inner self; therefore will I hope in Him and wait expectantly for Him. The Lord is good to those who wait hopefully and expectantly for Him, to those who seek Him (inquire of and for Him and require Him by right of necessity and on the authority of God’s word).”
I cannot tell you the magnitude of this truth. God is faithful to me whether I am serving others, cleaning the house, or taking a handful of pills simply to function that day. I especially love these verses because it reminds me that no matter how bad my yesterday was, my today can be different. As we work to get my meds leveled out, I find that I go in cycles… often feeling the best in the morning, and doing a nose dive in the evenings. This is when my headache will come back in full force, and the feeling of adrenaline rushing through my fingers or legs tends to bother me. But it is OKAY… I reboot over night, and so does the Lord’s compassion and faithfulness to me. What a blessing it is to know that even when I am a mess, the Lord is faithful and stable. I will “hope and wait expectantly” in Him!
“When obstacles and trials seem
Like prison walls to be,
I do the little I can do
And leave the rest to thee.
And when there seems no chance, no change,
From grief can set me free,
Hope finds its strength in helplessness,
And calmly waits for thee.”
Love you guys!